Work with Me
My Approach
When people come to see me, I sometimes think of our work together as a trip from one country to another.
Depending on what happened to them when they were kids, they might be living in a country where there is a tyrant hawking constantly through a loudspeaker. The beginning of our working relationship is the start of walking out of there, up a new path. The person can always go back to the old country, but with this addition of new territory, it’s not so loud or closed-in anymore. At the top of the hill, we can both see the new country, and it’s a downhill walk from there.
During our sessions, clients receive
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Knowledge of the nervous system
and how it interacts with our psychology. Research reveals how influential the nervous system is on our emotions, thoughts and behaviors. I teach clients how to work with their triggers to bring forward the best part of themselves.
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Self understanding
I am a good explainer, illustrating concepts from the recovery world and psychology as they apply to a person’s life. What exactly is codependence? How does it show up day-to-day? How does a person’s inner critic promote codependence?
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Tools
Research on brain mapping demonstrates that we can change the shape of our brain by practicing new behaviors. When you have alternatives to your old ways, you have new experiences, make new brain maps - and expand your identity. I can provide tools and homework for reaching goals.
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Empathy
Studies link empathy with greater connection, self-esteem and change. I am a spacious practitioner, able to bring acceptance, heart and insight to mysterious places in the human soul.
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Inner-critic mastery
After studying how to reduce self-criticism in 1989 with Byron Brown, author of Soul Without Shame, I adapted parts of his work to fit the needs of my clients. Clients receive inner child exercises and cognitive-behavioral techniques (self-talk) to support individuation, and forge the kind of internal parent relationship they want to have, not necessarily the one they inherited.
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Expressive arts therapy
Our metaphoric brain broadcasts the life of the soul, helping us transform. Clients may do a variety of Arts as part of our work together, from abstract drawings to quilting to tattoos. One client made a short film, complete with a storyboard and script. It was brilliant and it starred her dog. To me, The Wizard of Oz is a true story because I have seen it in real life: Many of my clients triumphed over a mean witch (mom) and a withdrawn wizard (dad) to find their way home - to a peaceful sense of self.
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Attachment expertise
Researchers like Sue Johnson have determined that both children and adults experience a fight, flight, freeze or fawn response when a connection is threatened. I help both couples and individuals learn how their past and current attachment relationships influence their nervous system in the present, and a variety of ways to meet their attachment needs. My teachers include Sue Johnson, David Wallin, David Mars, Karen Pando-Mars and Diana Fosha.
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Development of my own method
Articulating my work in the book I co-wrote, classes I taught, and in a podcast required that I get clear and strong in my understanding of each subject. I bring that level of development to each session.
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Recovery from bulimia
Through getting over bulimia, I know disordered eating inside-out. Clients hear my experience, strength and hope from having walked the recovery road before them.
We have a part of us inside that is capable of making a choice instead of simply reacting.
“There are no words to convey how much you have helped our family. As a result of your work with us, our family is sooo much more functional, happy and loving. You honestly have no idea of the profound improvements in our relationships with each other. There have been so many firsts that we have experienced... positive changes which we never dared to hope for.”
— VR, East Bay