Hijacked by Shame: The Inner Critic and Eating Disorders
Hijacked by Shame: The World Inside
Family, friends,
professionals, even eating-disorder sufferers themselves find eating disorders
perplexing. Why would an otherwise intelligent and competent woman refuse to do
the most basic thing to keep herself alive — to eat, or refrain from overeating
if that were threatening her health? While the behaviors do not seem logical,
they do make sense in the context of the eating-disorder sufferer’s inner world.
The
inner world of someone with an eating disorder is constantly being hijacked by
self-hatred and shame. Although we’ve all experienced shame, few people who
have not had an eating disorder can imagine the intensity of the shame for
someone who has. Recall your most excruciating, humiliating memory. Were you
panicked? Did you want to escape? Were you so desperate in that moment that
dying seemed like a good option? You have barely begun to experience what someone
in the throes of an eating disorder deals with continuously. Triggers are
everywhere, from the number on the scale, to a brief glance in the mirror, to
the perception that she said the wrong thing to someone.
People
with eating disorders are often intelligent and passionate. The part of the
psyche that creates the shame fuses this intelligence and passion to create a
conviction of failure so strong that the ED sufferer experiences it at a
cellular level. Because it feels authentic, questioning the conviction would be
inaccurate, disobedient — even blasphemous. In this way, the shame hijacks her
body, her mind and her emotions.
For
example, take the assertion, “You’re fat.” Imagine that a well-nourished, but
not overweight person is continually hearing that statement echo in her mind.
She compares herself to models such as Gisele Bündchen, Kate Moss, and Niki
Taylor — all of whom met the physical criteria for Anorexia at the time of this
writing.[2] Strictly speaking, if that is the standard to which
she is comparing herself, indeed she is “fat.” Her intelligence then tells her
that the assertion “You’re fat” is accurate. This leads to despair, which she
experiences as real because her passionate nature allows her to feel things
deeply and directly.
[1] A note on gender: Eating disorders affect women and
men. Whenever possible, the authors choose gender-neutral language. When
gender-specific language is necessary, the authors use “she” and “he” as
reflected in the occurrence of eating disorders in the U.S. population, where
90% of the EDs reported are found in females, and 10% in males. (Source: www.ANAD.org
Accessed December 14, 2010).
[2] Source: http://www.raderprograms.com/causes-statistics/media-eating-disorders.html
Accessed December 14, 2010.